Living the Dullsvillian Life

Miss Careline Popular 2012 Graduated!

2012-02-12T23:55:00.003+08:00

Got voted Miss Careline Popular 2012 on Feb 3rd 2012 and graduated 8 days later!

2012 is going to be a good year!

Miss Chinese WA 2012: No.2

2012-01-30T10:52:00.003+08:00

This year has passed by so goddamn quickly!

So far, I've yet to find a full-time job but have achieved a few things, such as learning how to drive a manual car [no license yet but soon, hopefully!].

AND...

I've entered Miss Chinese WA 2012! It's this Friday and I'm getting all nervous! Partly due to the fact that I have yet to choose and full choreograph my own talent and worrying about tripping over on stage and looking like a complete fool.

Contestants No.12 and No.2! <3

He's Really Not That Into You

2012-01-22T00:40:00.003+08:00

Boy, what a quick 3 years it has been.

In this short [or long, depending on how you view it], I've learnt that men are excellent bullshitters. Why can't they be honest for once with their feelings?

I'm not accusing all of male-dom as liars per say. It's just that you say we women are complicated but yet they are the true culprit of making things difficult for us women?

One thing I've surely learnt, is that guys will take sex for granted. Sure, they like you and all, and will get into your pants but they want nothing more from you.

The lamest and most frequent statements [excuse] from the males I

've been interested in says something that goes along the lines like this: "I think you're a great girl and you deserve an honest answer. You deserve someone better, someone who can give you the time and attention you need."

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Time huh? We are the ones responsible for making time, whether it be for work, family or friends. Don't come up to me with this gay excuse of having no time. Frankly speaking, I know when a man is interested. He'll make the time to see me, take me out for lunch, and even waking up in the wee hours of the morning to send me to work, even if it is a short distance, if they know I do not drive [not legally anyways]. It's these simple thoughts and actions shown that counts.

Attention? Depending which angle you take it from really and varies from woman to woman and her needs. All I ask these days, are the sweet romantic gestures, to be taken out to a candle-lit dinner, or a rose left on my door-step with a note, woo-ed the traditional romantic way. I don't need a man to spend ridiculous copious amount of time with me. I've been there, done that and regardless of how stereotypical this sounds, it's not healthy. After a while, even I will get bored of you. Staring at each other without words to say, isn't exactly exciting. It's just mind-numbingly boring.

Seriously, if you men don't like a girl enough, why bother fucking her? Just cause it's sex? Don't feign ignorance but you all know that deep down, somehow, sex is mostly related to feelings, unless it was one of those drunken-bouts where you two were inconceivably drunk.

Last word of advice, if any male so happens to stumble across this blog, please come up with something more original than this lame "time and attention" bullshit.

Even stating, "Look, I had a good time with you but please, move on. I'm not ready to be committed and am not willing to give you the romantic gestures you desire so. I'm sorry.", is more believable in comparison to the garbage you dish out.

Chapter 21: Graduating & Careerless

2012-01-08T22:18:00.003+08:00

For the past few weeks, I have been sitting in front of the laptop's screen, staring blankly and scrolling through various job offers in Journalism 'til the wee hours of the morning.

Nada.

Advertisers on the national job seeking engine vomits out ads, screaming for media professionals with a minimum requirement of 2 years experience tucked firmly under their belt.

Great.

I've just completed my degree with zero experience in my field.

"Fine, I'll just look for internships", [work-for-free-for-bloody-experiences'-sake]

A few moments later, I'm slouched in my bed, relatively exasperated.

"You've got to be joking."

"The West Australian has a journalism cadetship program. Three to six cadet journalists are usually accepted each year."

Thinking about it logically, this is relatively ridiculous. The average number of journalism students that graduate per year from just one university alone is, I say, a rough figure of 100 students. Multiply that by 4 universities and you can do this simple maths.

So, what are the left-overs going to do if we aren't given the supple opportunity of experience?

Further education [probably a change in the choice of study or taking on Masters/PhD in something else], or most likely ending up like me: maintaining a low-paying job in order to survive.

Personally speaking, I feel that this scenario is only applicable to Western Australia. Other major cities have the need and demand for fresh graduates. Who doesn't want fresh meat to slave around? Other metropolitan areas in Australia such as Melbourne and Sydney has bucket-loads of jobs for fresh graduates [it has boiled down to the point where the option of moving interstate just for the sake of getting a professional experience is very tempting. However, it's going to burn an enormous hole in my pocket. Wait, what pocket?]. This is a sad reality, especially for a young, socio-economically growing [not to mention, isolated] city, where so many young talents are left to rot and to pursue other careers just cause they weren't given the opportunity.

Not to mention, it is a huge waste of money especially for international students undertaking this degree. Sure, ultimately it is a degree but to pay an average of $60,000AUD for a 3-year degree and not having the opportunity to stay due to the lack of jobs? It sure isn't worth it at all.

It's 1.15am.

Zilch.

Well, guess the only thing I'm looking forward to in this new year is the fact that I'm actually graduating.

Hoorah!

$60,000AUD + expenses = A useless piece of pretty paper stating I have completely wasted my time and money on a degree that got me, wait, no where.

Was It A Dream?

2011-10-08T16:56:00.003+08:00

Was it a dream?

Is this only evidence that proves it?

A photograph of you and I?

A photograph of you and I... in Love...

Speechless

2011-09-16T11:49:00.003+08:00

In dedication to my grandfather's death, I will take the vow to be "speechless". Figuratively speaking, I will withhold my tongue from speaking too much.

"I'll never love again, oh boy, you've left me speechless. So speechless" - Lady Gaga

Lai Choo Peng

2011-09-12T20:55:00.002+08:00

To my dearest grandfather,

There were so many things I wanted to say to you. There were so many things I wanted to do with you before you passed on. I prayed to God that He'd give me enough time to spend with you, but I guess it was better this way. You passed on with no pain, no suffering and I'm happy that He has set you free. I am just regretting that I've come too late.

I will always remember the last time when you danced to Lady Gaga and gave me the chance to drink with you and had fun with you the last time I spent with you.

I will always love you and you will always be the man in my heart.

Your grandaughter

I Will Not Listen

2011-09-09T00:08:00.000+08:00

Lost in Love

2011-09-08T23:32:00.002+08:00

Emotional Detachment

2011-08-16T22:40:00.002+08:00

It's been over a week and I'm still feeling flat. I think what I wished for came true sooner than expected. It's either that or my brain decided to take a break from my heart cause they aren't syncing.

So many things have happened so far. I've lost two men in whom I've loved and now playing a waiting game til when my grandfather gives up on life. I'm suspecting he won't make it until the end of the year.

Funnily enough, I am fine. The weird part is that I'm too fine. I feel neither complete happiness nor do I feel any sadness. I am contented to a certain degree but I do not feel anything. None-what-so-ever. I remember crying my eyes out when he said that he wanted me but I'm not the girl for him and I wished so hard that I did not want to feel the pain anymore. Guess the pain is gone and so is the ability to feel joy or happiness.

I do not know how to describe this. It's like someone took a carving knife and dug out my heart and stole it from me. I sincerely don't feel anything.

Is emotional detachment a blessing or a curse?

Cause I'm starting to have doubts.

I Believe

2011-08-04T21:00:00.004+08:00

Today, I realised something about myself and I'm actually quite surprised. I'm surprised at the empowerment I needed and most of all, it came from me.

Friends can help you a long way but no matter what they say or try to do, if

you don't believe in it or realise it, it will not work.

There are a few things I've learnt and realised today:

1. I am a person with so much love to give.

2. Men are relatively stupid when it comes to emotions and to what they want. They are rarely ever honest with what they want and aren't really clear. They think too much

with their dicks [despite my short 20 years on this planet, I think I know enough to state this loud and clear].

3. I am immature, but given that I'm not even 21, it's always going to be the case, especially if you're older than me. You've been through more in life - experience and knowledge. However, I think I am mature for my age to be able to get along with people older than me AND I believe in this.

4. I am a person with determination and though, most times, I may seem lost, I do know what I want in life and roughly have a plan to know what will make me happy. I get what I want and I don't really give up that easily when I have a thing set in focus.

5. I am finally breaking out of the cocoon and emerging as a beautiful butterfly. I'm starting to gain my self-confidence once stolen a long time ago. It has taken me a long time and sometimes is still unsure. There's been too much hurt and scarring of my self-worth. However, I'm starting to believe in my own beauty - inside and out.

6. I have found someone who's had everything I ever wanted. However, loving them is not enough and I'm still working on this issue. I will learn to stand firm and keep my head up high. I will keep my pride and dignity. I will not fall back to my old ways.

I dedicate this post to the man who I've loved with all my heart and done things I wouldn't have with others. Maybe one day, you'll realise that despite your age, you still have a lot to learn.

Silly Me. How Could I?

2011-08-01T18:42:00.003+08:00

How could I have thought that I would make a difference to your life? If only, for a short period of time before you forget who I am and what we did.

How could I have truly believed that those countless blissful nights would last forever?

How could I have thought you were perfect in every single way.

How could I feel so much love, the rush of excitement to see your face, to be in your presence, to be in your arms?

How could I have both feelings of comfort and butterflies in my stomach simultaneously?

How could I have hoped that my feelings for you would have been reciprocated?

How could I have known that you would make me so happy?

How could I, stupidly believe that you would feel the same way about me?

How could I have given you my heart? Only for you to tear it apart?

How could I still believe that someday you and me will be together again?

How could I now get through the days, knowing you think otherwise?

Darling, you just killed me.

A Month's Update

2011-07-06T10:32:00.003+08:00

Ok. So I have been slack with the entire blogosphere and I should be ashamed of myself! But but (as there'll always be excuses) I have had a very dramatic month! Here's a list of what's happened since:

1. Broke up with Mr. BF :(

2. Falling for Mr. Italiano who's in Wollongong

3. Playing Poker

4. Skyping Mr. Italiano everyday for the past 2 and a half weeks [WTF right?!]

5. Supanova!

6.Had my lash-line tattooed [You heard me right]

You might think that I'm some bitch who could just change men after dumping them. But I have to say that this isn't the case. I have known Mr. Italiano for a while [despite the fact we haven't even dated] and there's some crazy chemistry between us! It must be something in the water I tell you!

Anyways this is just going to be a short post and I'm finishing up with a camwhore shot of me, dressed as a uh.. goth/vampire/Amy Lee tribute....

WWZ Illustration Project

2011-06-04T18:10:00.002+08:00

It's finally the end of semester! Woop woop woop!!

Was looking forward to it but it also meant the end of financial income for me, so I've been getting mixed feelings about this break.

Anyways, this is going to be a short post and going to end it with this project I've been working on for a bit!

Asians = Cockroaches

2011-05-22T22:30:00.005+08:00

Money.

It's what drives them and nothing else matters.

To Asians, the key to having a successful life is not about what you find in yourself, but rather the copious amount of money you earn. This mentality has been handed down for generations.

I remember my schooling years and it was indeed a stressful time. I will not disagree with the fact that it is normal for any parent to want their offspring to succeed in their studies, but the Asian study environment seems to emit an aura of high pressure and stress. Tuition is the norm for children as an after school activity in which their parents send them to, in order to help boost their academic skills. You can just imagine a room full of nerdy-looking kids, slaving away at their desks, with frowns as they try to memorise or absorb what's being handed to them.

To the Asians, the key is to teach their offsprings to study hard.

Really hard.

They want nothing short of an A, and it was enforced upon their offsprings that anything below that grade is a form of disappointment. After every semester after the exam, students were graded according to the score for each subject and the student with the highest score gets to gloat for the rest of the term. Others with lower marks get to feel the burn of humiliation and they know they'll have to answer to their parents.

Other than the scores obtained from the exam papers, Asian parents generally want their kids to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer/pharmacist/accountant cause that's where the money lie. There was no talk of "oh, but I like music and I want to be a musician". You'll get a scolding if you said that sort of nonsense. Musicians don't earn much unless you miraculously achieve stardom overnight.

A few years ago, I would have disagreed with the whole stereotypical mentality. Hell, if I wanted to be an artist, I will be one! After the few years have passed, I realised that it would have been better if I kept my head down, bit my lip and did a more substantial degree that would or could guarantee a job after I graduate.

The Western mentality - follow your heart, take up what you like. Money isn't everything.

Well, a wise friend argued that,

"Money IS everything. If your goal is to change the world, how the hell are you going to do it, if you don't even have the money to feed yourself?".

Argument is valid.

I think it's time for me to leave my "Western-ways" and start thinking Asian again. Too bad I already wasted 4 years of my time doing a degree in Mass Communications.

I just need a plan and a bloody good one too.

Other than that, if anyone disagrees with my hypothesis about Asians dominating the world, China can speak for itself. Observation shows that Asians are willing to do anything and are hard working enough to make a living of some sort.

Someone likened the Asians to cockroaches - the durability and ability to survive almost anywhere.

Never EVER Play Soccer Barefoot

2011-04-11T08:59:00.004+08:00

So, on Monday I decided to go to the Naked Fig Beach Party. I decided to go mostly due to the obvious reason - booze.

Ok. Ok. So I have the reputation (almost) of being an alcoholic. But what can I say? I'm sure those who loves alcohol cannot deny the pleasure of having beer, at a party, and most importantly, IT'S FREE!! I mean, who would give up the chance of getting something they know for sure and love and it's given to them??

Anyways, I got bored speaking to a few of the other staff who seem to know one another and felt a bit left out. So, I saw some of the boys kicking the volleyball around and in that point in time I felt it was a good idea to play in my thongs/flip flops.

Yes, I lost a toenail. Cause an idiot colleague of mine thought that it was a good idea to attack the ball from behind. He was wearing a shoe. I wasn't.

I felt a sharp pain but thought that my foot collided with his. That is until I decided to look down.

My nail was vertical to my toe.

Guess who had to pull it off?

Yes, that idiot colleague of mine. At least he did something smart and pulled it off cleanly.

Yummy isn't it?

It's going to be another few months before the nail actually grows back :(

MacBook Air 11" vs Sony Y-series 11"

2011-04-04T11:33:00.000+08:00

I have decided to purchase a new laptop after years of contemplation and it is the new MacBook Air. It was a hard decision between the Air and the Sony Y-series netbook.

Firstly, it was the price difference. In Australia, Sony (11" 320 HHD 2GB RAM) was up for $749AUD average whilst the Air was going for $1190AUD (11" 64GB HHD 2GB RAM).

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

Secondly, what do I want this new laptop for? Over the years, I realised that the only purpose I use a laptop for was to browse the net, do some research, play some games (not hardcore gaming like CS or Gears of War etc..) and I've been surviving using a laptop with a 450MB RAM.

Secondly, it was the ultra-portability test. The Air, like they said, is "stupidly thin" weighing a mere 1.06kg whilst the Sony weighed in at 1.78kg and it was bulky in comparison to its competitor.

Thirdly, the RAM and HDD specifications. Sony beat the shit out of Air with its superior 320GB HHD.

You would think due to the price difference and the comparison, a person in the right mind (and a poor student) would buy the Sony, right?

No, sir.

I purchased the Air.

I just fell head-over-heels for the slimness and how uber portable this laptop is. I also made a tough decision to forego the 320GB HDD the Sony had to offer (and not to mention the pretty colour range Sony has). 4 years ago, I wouldn't even have thought about purchasing a Mac, due to familiarity factors (I've always used Windows XP and would not have even considered Vista cos it's shit). However, being an Art student, I've been exposed to Mac computers in uni and loved the graphics and it is indeed superior.

I'm happy with my purchase. Really, I am.

However, there is a gaping large hole in my pocket.

Or should I say, in my credit debt? T__T

Genesis

2011-03-30T12:29:00.000+08:00

Hello Blogging World!

I AM BACK!

It has been such a long time since I last blogged but I guess I'm trying to see some growth in myself and my blogging style. I still miss my old blog but guess it is about time to see growth in my blog and myself.

xoxo

Mesha